Learning to let go

Lovely light just before sunset at our catfish pond in Kansas. Sigh… It’s my happy place (one of them, anyway).

God knows I am pretty dense sometimes, so He helps me out by hitting me up side the head with stuff.

Three times in three days from three different sources, I heard the same message: surrender.

In a couples’ Bible study, we are reading Chuck Swindoll’s book, “So You Want to be Like Christ.” The chapter we studied was about surrendering, releasing our grip. He mentioned surrendering our possessions, our position, our plans and our people (specifically mentioning children).

“Once you make the choice, the hardest days are the earliest. You have become so accustomed to carrying a great weight that releasing it will naturally upset your balance. Learning to walk without it will feel awkward at first. Keep your eyes fixed on Christ and walk slowly. As you regain your balance over time, you’ll be amazed by the growing intimacy you share with Him…”

The next day, I read Priscilla Shirer’s study of Jonah where she talks about letting go and mentioned Chuck Swindoll teaching on loosening your grip (and his example was children).

The following morning, I opened up a devotional by Lysa Terkeurst on biblegateway.com. She wrote, “Sometimes I struggle trusting God with my kids.”

This season of life has me learning to loosen my grip on my children. They are 18, 21 and 24.

What I’m realizing is how little control I have over their choices.

If you look at the whole cycle of parenting, there are lots of little moments (and not so little moments) of learning to let go. You’re glad to see your baby take his first wobbly steps but sad when he doesn’t want to cuddle in your arms. You cry a bit when your daughter heads off to kindergarten while cheering her mastery of new bits of knowledge. You swallow the lump in your throat when your teen heads out the door, keys in hand, for his first solo drive. And most definitely when you leave that baby in her dorm room and head back home, you know things will never be quite the same.

How do you let go?

The answer came to me a few days ago.

“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10a

First that verse showed up in the book I was reading, “Switch On Your Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf. She talked about the importance of taking time for introspection, self-reflection and prayer. We do NOT have control over everything that happens in our lives, but we can control our responses. The more we strengthen our minds, the more we’re equipped to give responses that bless rather than harm. We choose thoughts that help our health and encourage others, not those that feed bitterness and strife.

That SAME morning, I read the daily Biblegateway.com devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It was written by Liz Curtis Higgs. Her key verse?

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Again, I’m back to where I started. God WILL hit me with the same verse and same message from multiple sources, sometimes within the same hour. It’s a fun game we play together (here’s another post along those lines, “How to know when you have confirmation”).

The message was clear. Focus on knowing and trusting God, not agonizing over problems (real and imagined).

When it comes to your kids (or anyone else, for that matter), do what you can to build them up, pray, give thanks that God is in control and choose to stop your struggles and trust Him.

What keeps you up at night? How much control do you have over that? Take positive steps where you do have control and let go of the rest. Hand it over to the one who can handle it or help you cope.

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” – Matthew 6:27

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests go God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7