Turning in my “active duty mom card”

Anna, my youngest, graduated from high school on Saturday. Two days later, she turned 18.

In honor of her old favorite “Junie B. Jones” books, Anna C. Engelland is a graduation girl!

In just the space of 48 hours, I had no more K-12 kiddos and no more minor children. It’s enough to make a mama swoon.

I’d been simultaneously anticipating and dreading those moments for many months (years?). I wanted to celebrate my daughter, whose impish, strong-willed, fierce-loving start hinted at the creative, determined, fierce-loving young woman she would become.

But a part of me feels like I’m turning in my “active duty mom card” because technically, all three of my kids are adults. I’m mourning the passage of the era of raising kids. I’ve been at it for almost a quarter of a century, but sometimes it seems to have passed in a blur.

The first kid graduation I celebrated was my oldest daughter completing kindergarten. That was almost exactly 18 years ago because my youngest was born just a day and a half later. I tell a lot of people that I never drank coffee until the youngest arrived. I had a first grader, a preschooler and a colic-prone baby. That’s a certain recipe for sleep deprivation, making caffeine an essential part of my daily diet.

Rachel, 6, cuddling with her one day old baby sister.

Rebekah at 3 1/2 gets a kick out of holding her newborn sister for the first time. Anna, not so much.

Boarding the Trinity Railway Express to Dallas in 2001: Anna, 3, in her favorite outfit, a “lay-o” Veggie Tales dress lovingly made by GrandBette; Rachel, 9, carrying the family video camera while holding her sisters’ hands (typical oldest child stuff); and Rebekah, 6, sporting the Powerpuff Girls T.

Now the sleep deprivation comes from hot flashes or because I’m worrying about one or more of the young adult children. What you don’t realize as a young parent looking ahead is that your job isn’t really over when they turn 18 or graduate from high school.

As your kids grow up, you give them more and more responsibility. You coach and hope and pray that they have faith in God and in themselves.*

They make mistakes. A lot of them. You make mistakes. A lot of them. But the older they get, the more you realize that you as a parent have very little control. You transition from a very “hands on” role to more of an advisory capacity. You have been and always will be one of your child’s primary role models. They will do what you do or vow to be nothing like you.

I hate to break the news to all you young parents out there, but parenting older teens and young adults can be harrowing at best, heartbreaking at worst. Sometimes when you want to rush in and rescue, you stand back and wait. You keep your mouth shut when you long to give the 142nd lecture on a topic. You pray more for your kids than when they were little because the challenges are huge and the solutions are out of your hands.

But in all that, you get to see your child becoming. Their frontal lobes are not fully developed, so you can’t expect total “adulting” dominance, but you see glimpses of how the soft-hearted child becomes the compassionate young adult, or the obstinate, strong-willed kid becomes the determined, focused 18-year-old.

When they struggle, you seek God all the more and focus on the long haul. You look for glimmers of hope and choose to count blessings. And you choose to love.

*Jesus teaches in Matthew 22 that faith is powered by love:

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

³⁷ Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’^{[a] 38} This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^{[b] 40} The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Rachel’s graduation in 2010. Great smiles from all my girls.

Rebekah’s graduation in 2013. Two down, one to go!

A happy day celebrating our last Keller High School graduation.