What we say matters

Are you more likely to regret what you say or what you didn’t say? What we say matters.

James 3:8 says, “no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.”

Like every other person on the planet, I’ve said many things I regretted. When anger boils up inside me, sometimes it spews out of my mouth, blistering anyone within range.

But I don’t have a huge problem with anger toward others. It happens, but not often.

Instead, I’m more of an avoider. When the going gets tough, my impulse is to get going (right on out of there).

While I was studying James 3:1-12 for a Bible study at church, I had one of those flashes of insight that I attribute to God working on me.

More often than not, my problem is NOT what I say but what I DON’T say.

It all comes down to motives

Sometimes I have been afraid to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. Other times, I’m unwilling to talk about painful subjects because it’s easier to avoid them. If I don’t talk about them, I don’t have to deal with them. I refuse to leave my comfort zone.

I need God’s help to discern when to speak and when to be silent. It all comes down to our motives. Am I driven by selfishness or compelled by the love of Christ? The truth spoken in love has the power to set people free (Ephesians 4:15 and John 8:32).

Matthew 12:34 says that the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. Whether my focus is on God or on myself, it will show up in what I say (or don’t say).

In his message Sunday, my pastor Scott Venable said, “If we aim at nothing, we will hit sin. We should aim for the fruit of the Spirit.” If I’m not intentional about seeking Jesus, I’ll revert to my fearful, selfish tendencies.

Left to our own devices, we might tend to say too much or we might tend to say too little.

James 1:19 says we should all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. When I pray and ask for God’s help, I can listen, speak with care and avoid getting mad.

That voice in your head

Today I had another flash of insight. I talk in a negative fashion daily. Other people just don’t hear most of it. I’m often critical of myself in ways that aren’t helpful. My self-talk can be downright destructive.

Am I talking to myself in a way I would never talk to a friend?

Just as I need God’s help to control my speech, I need God’s help to control my self-talk. Jesus, take the wheel when it comes to the words whirling in my brain!

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” – Philippians 4:8

What we say to ourselves matters because it determines our attitude, which influences our actions.

Here’s an example.

I’ve been struggling lately with discouragement. After surviving many layoffs in almost 14 years as a newspaper reporter, I lost the layoff lottery earlier this month.

While my pay wasn’t great, I enjoyed the work. I liked talking with people and writing their stories. With the sudden job loss, I wanted to invest more time in my own writing while seeking employment. But a spirit of discouragement made everything harder.

A few days ago I decided to focus on gratitude and tell others about my blessings. About the same time I lost my job, my oldest daughter got a good job offer. I can celebrate this wonderful blessing in our family. God is good. He provided for Rachel’s needs, and He’ll provide for me, too.

As I seek the Lord’s help in cultivating thankfulness, I find my outlook AND my words improve.

Our words matter

What we say matters.

Whether we tend to talk too much or too little, we can all benefit from asking God to give us wisdom on when and how to speak. What can we say today to bless someone else?

Here are a few verses that encourage us to mind what we say:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” – Proverbs 18:21

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”- Ephesians 4:29.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” – Colossians 3:16

A few years ago, I wrote on this topic on my other blog, “Cultivating Peace,” which included this great reminder from Tobymac to “Speak Life.”